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A survivor story by Lyla

I had been friends with this guy, let’s call him Shawn, for months while I’d been in a relationship. Me and my boyfriend broke up because I found out he’d been lying to me about talking to his ex girlfriend. Shawn was always really nice to me and extremely respectful. One night I was doing shots with my friends and he messaged me asking if I wanted to hang out at his house. I said yes and he dropped by and picked me up after he got off of work. When we got to his house we talked for about 20 minutes about random things and played video games. He was really close to me and I kissed him without thinking about it. We did two shots of whiskey, on top of the 5 shots of vodka I had already had, and then things started to get a little more intense. I was wearing a dress and I took off his shirt, and he took off my dress. I gave him oral, and then he laid me down and took his pants off and got in top of me. I had only had sex with one guy before this point, my previous boyfriend, and I wanted to keep it that way. I told him I didn’t want to and he stopped trying to put it inside me and we started kissing again which I was okay with but then suddenly all at once I felt his dick enter me. I was in shock. I didn’t know how it happened, I was quite drunk, and I turned my head to the side and started crying. He didn’t notice. I let him move me around doing whatever he wanted. I didn’t know what to do. I told him several times before that I didn’t want to have sex unless he got tested and I told him right before it happened that I didn’t want to. After he finished he threw a shirt at me and told me to clean up and asked me why I was crying. I was scared. He was my only friend and I didn’t want to sound pathetic for being there naked, drunk, and bawling my eyes out in his bed. I just shook my head, put my clothes back on and turned on my side to go to bed but I couldn’t, I spent the rest of the night crying and thinking about how I didn’t want it to happen. I couldn’t believe it had happened. I didn’t want to believe it. The next morning I asked him to take me home and stuck his dick in me again, that time I let him because I figured it would just be quicker than trying to stop it again. He took me home and it took me two weeks to tell anyone about what happened. I told my ex boyfriend because we were still good friends. He didn’t believe me. I told my friends, they said that kind of stuff happens and you just have to deal with it. I’m back together with my ex and he still doesn’t believe me when I say that I told Shawn no. I didn’t want to report it and I still don’t because I don’t even know if I believe my own memories anymore. I talked to Shawn about it and he said I made him feel like and asshole and then blocked me on everything and hasn’t talked to me since. I still don’t know if what I went through would be considered rape but all I know is it was wrong and I needed to tell my story in a place where it isn’t going to be discarded because I was drunk or because I should’ve expected that when he invited me over. I trusted him. I never expected him to do anything like that.

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