Sexual Coercion is Never Okay
A survivor story written by Jan
I met him for the first time in the club. He was tall, blonde, handsome and everything I wanted. I thought I was in love then when he held my hands and danced with me. When he walked me back to my apartment. When we went out on our first date.
But boy, was I naive.
I set boundaries with him and he promised he wouldn’t cross them. I believed him.
It was Friday when he came to my apartment again to make out. There was tension in the air that wasn’t there before. He asked to have sex with me and I said ‘no’. He gave me a serious look on his face.
“Why are you so scared of me?” He asked. “Why do you think I’m going to hurt you?”
I told him I wasn’t ready for sex and he assured me I wouldn’t get pregnant. He asked to see me naked and I refused.
At last, I gave in and told him he could only see me half-naked. Before I knew it, he began to unstrap my bra and asked to see my breasts. Again, I said ‘no’ and he insisted. Out of guilt, I gave in. Then, he began touching me in my privates and I grabbed his hand, saying ‘no’ again. He insisted three times and each time, I refused.
“I promise I’ll be gentle,” he said and so, I gave in mainly because I thought this was how a relationship should be like.
Finally, he asked for sex and I questioned him where was the relationship going. He had no answer.
He eventually left my apartment and I was alone in the dark, stark naked and vulnerable. Guilt churned in the pit of my stomach and I felt the desperate need to wash myself. I could still feel him fingering my privates and I could still taste his tongue in my mouth. I wanted to throw up.
We broke up the next week and I had a nervous breakdown. I had to be in therapy to recover from the incident.
Girls and guys, please be aware that not everyone will hear the word ‘no’. If you find yourself being pressured into doing something you don’t want to, be assertive and walk away before it’s too late. Most importantly, it’s not your fault if any of this happens to you.
It took me months to accept what had happened wasn’t my fault and I’m now on the road to recovery. 🙂