My Secret To Tell
A #SurvivorStory by Richard
I’ve written this in my head about a million times, but honestly after seeing people criticized for coming out later in life or “why didn’t they say something at that time” and the story that Terry Crews told and the scrutiny that he faced for standing up and telling his story, it really inspired me to share my story and realizing that I need to get this off my chest, not just to move on, but for the chance that someone would read this and might be/have gone through the same thing and they don’t know how to move on or get ahead.
I was 15 years old, my family had sprung upon some hard times and in this happening my Dad reached out to his friend (was more of a sister to him, Aunt to us kids) but we had nothing, we had lost everything and at the time this was the pickup we needed to get back on our feet. She and her husband gave my Dad a job within the company he ran, we had a roof over our head and food in our mouths all thanks to these two. All well and good right?
One night, the Aunt took me to the gas station and we were there to just pick up some milk and while we were in the car, she looked at me and asked me if I was okay and I of course unsure of how I felt at the time because I didn’t know what was transpiring or what exactly were my family next steps, I expressed this. I was scared. What happened next, she put her hand in my lap, and told me it was going to be okay and if I needed anything, that she was there for me.
We went into the store and then came back out and got back in the car. What happened next was what began to be a lengthy struggle I dealt with for months. She proceeded to put her hand down my pants and started to touch me. I wasn’t sure how to react. I was 15 and I was a virgin. I myself hadn’t even explored the idea of sex. I pulled away a little and the words she spoke to me, i can remember it like it was yesterday. “its okay, I will make you feel good but don’t tell anyone it will be our secret” she said. I had asked her stop and finally she did. I never mentioned it to anyone and I had hoped after that it was over but it was just the beginning.
I had fought trying to go out alone with her again, but it kept on happening. This time in the car, she grabbed me and I asked her to stop and she looked me straight in the face and said “You will do what I want you to do or I will put your family on the street”. I know that without these people, we are homeless. My Dad’s job was based through these people and we were under their roof. Even though I was already terrified enough, the idea that my sisters and brother would be on the street seemed to be so much worse. So I did what she wanted me to do. Not just that night but for many of nights, weeks and months ahead.
I often see on social media or hear in person “Why did it take her so long to come out? She’s lying or she should have said something at that time”
The hardest thing to do is confront the person that is doing this heinous act to you, but the fear of telling someone and nothing happening or the situation could get worse, that’s the other hard part doesn’t factor in. What about the people that do come out, have to face their accuser on the stand, in front of the courts and they get off with a slap on the wrist?
My situation was not easy at all. The people around me KNEW what was happening and they didn’t do anything about it. So I did come forward and what came of it? Nothing. It still bothers me to this day knowing that every night I would have to go to bed with her, knowing that everyone knew what was going on and no one helped.
The thought of her touching me or us having sex made me want to vomit. She was just a vial human being and it disgusts me to this day thinking about it. It also disgusts me when you see online “how does a boy get raped” or “if that was me, I would’ve been all over it”. To those people, think about this, the most disgusting vial heinous person that is your family member who you trust. Not only did she steal my innocence away but she also took away the experience of my first time. She threatened to harm my family in order take advantage of me and fulfill their disgusting needs. I was a young kid who was trying to protect his family. I didn’t WANT that. I wanted someone to save me. That’s what I wanted.
I still think back from time to time and wonder why me? Why did I have to go through this season of my life? Why God would put me through such an awful thing, and I still can’t explain that but I do know that without him, I wouldn’t have overcome it. Without him, I wouldn’t be here today to tell this story.
I overcame what happened because I am right where He wants me to be. A husband to the most amazing woman in the world, a father to a beautiful little girl, and 3 of the best step-sons anyone could ever ask for.
It was hard. it wasn’t easy and do say to ANYONE out there that is fighting through this or has gone through this, its not easy to forget, its not easy moving on, but I promise YOU CAN OVERCOME this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter what you do, NEVER EVER give up. These people aren’t worth hurting yourself over. They aren’t.