January 11, 2014

January 11, 2014 by Scout

January 11, 2014 By Scout

I had just returned home from a flight from Memphis visiting my boyfriend, Micah. It was Saturday, and the semester was about to start on the following Monday. I decided to go out with some of my friends to a local house party. I live in a  small town so when I go to a party, I usually know most of the people there. I wasn’t 21 yet, and I didn’t have any alcohol (except for the few shots of vodka I took before), but I decided I would go anyway and find someone there to maybe give me some beer. When we arrived, it was just like any other party in that neighborhood.. Music playing in the living room, but most people either playing drinking games in the kitchen or outside smoking. I knew every person there except one guy. He was tall, and I remember thinking he was cute, however I still can’t remember what his face looked like. He was wearing a Hawaiian  shirt which seemed bold and caught my attention. Yes, I had a boyfriend, but I was also looking for beer. I approached him, we started talking and eventually he gave me a beer. One beer turned into four. I found myself talking to him all night. Eventually, he offered me another, but said that he was all out in the kitchen but the box was in the bedroom. We both went back to grab some of the beer to take to the fridge. I walked in first, and he came in behind me. The next few minutes are a blur. I remember sitting on the bed and kissing, and then I remember thinking about Micah and wanting to leave. I tried to stand up but he pushed my shoulders down. I told him “I have a boyfriend, I can’t be doing this.” He said I’d been flirting with him all night and why mention the boyfriend now. My arms were by my sides and he put his knees on my wrists to hold them down. I was so naive then.. At this point I thought he still just wanted to make out with me. I was wearing a skirt, and before I knew it, his fingers were inside me. I kept saying “no” and “I can’t  do this,” but it was like he couldn’t hear me. Eventually I stopped fighting. I was in so much shock. I heard someone knock on the door but I couldn’t even say anything. He must have locked it behind him. At one point, I realized it was no longer his fingers that were inside me. I was passing in and out and every time I realized what was happening, I would drift back out. It seemed liked it lasted for at least an hour,  but that can’t be right. He came partly inside me and all over my shirt and stomach. After, I just laid there. I couldn’t move. He turned on his phone flashlight, found a towel in the floor and said “here, baby, let me clean you up.” I let him. I was paralyzed. He grabbed his beer and left the room. I laid in the bed until the girl who the room belonged to came in and asked what I was doing. I was crying, but I told her in between sobs what happened. She told me to get out. Apparently, the only reason he was there was to visit her from out of town. No one at the party believed me except my best friend. She punched him in the face and then we left. I was on my period at the time, but I didn’t leave my bed until two days later and then I remembered. I remembered that I’d had a tampon in. I reached my fingers in as far as I could and felt something. After a while, I was able to get it out. I flushed it. I don’t know his name or his face. I don’t know if I’d even recognize him if I saw him. That was almost 4 years ago. I’ve been single for 3 of them, but I’m doing better.



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