He Let Me Fall

He Let Me Fall

A #SurvivorStory by Kate

It all started with a Tinder date. I had just gotten out of a relationship with a much older man (late 40’s) and I was 18. Let’s call the guy I was meeting Danny. So Danny is a 50 something year old and he rides motorcycles. At our first date I see he’s wearing a biker vest and it turns out he’s in a biker gang, let’s call them Hell’s Angels. Anyway, he is nice at first and I immediately fall head over heels for him. Fast forward a 3 months and he’s gotten abusive (verbally and physically) and it turns out, he does meth. For some reason I stay with him. Maybe it was me trying to rebel by being with this bad boy biker. Oh and he tries to fuck other women in front of me. One night we went out to a biker halloween party at this bar in the middle of nowhere. Danny drove me there (his bike was broken) and I left my phone and wallet in the car, you can’t have phones out near a biker gang, they don’t wanna be photographed or recorded. And I should mention I wasn’t his first choice to go out with, he was trying to take this porn star out, but he settled for me, his girlfriend. Not long after we arrive at the bar, Danny starts flirting with this older biker lady and tells me to leave him alone and stay by myself. So I sit at the bar and drink. I got pretty tipsy then my boyfriend comes over and introduces me to his friend, another older biker guy, let’s call him Johnny. Johnny seems nice enough and my boyfriend leaves me with him. He orders me two tequila shots and I down them. Then we do jello shots and at this point I’m really fucking drunk. I say I want a cigarette and Johnny takes me outside in the back patio. People are smoking and I bum one from someone and smoke it. Then Johnny pulls me over to this isolated area behind a tarp near an outdoor bar. He starts to kiss me and then I pull away, he grabs me and I start telling him no and ask to go back inside. I repeatedly ask and ask him and finally he throws me down on the bar and says very loudly “NO”. I’m back down on the bar and he forces oral sex on me. He then turns me over and I try to tell him I have a tampon in and that I’m on my period, so he then rips my tampon out and penetrates me. I felt so drunk and numb and just felt myself leave my body. After this we go out back to the inside bar and everyone had left, including my Danny. So he left me there with no money or phone. The man who raped me is all I have. I tell him to call Danny. He kisses me and I let him. It’s hard to forgive myself and makes me feel disgusting. I get a ride home from a friendly female bartender. The next day, I’m broken up and crying and my boyfriend finally calls me (he wouldn’t respond to my calls) and calls me a slut. He tells me he shared all my nude pictures to everyone in the biker gangs. I ended up spending a couple days in the mental institution. I’m doing a lot better now. I’m currently 22. I am dating an amazing guy who is kind and sweet and not the least bit abusive. He is also very understanding of my past. I’ve healed a lot from this with weekly therapy appointments and a stay in a mental treatment facility. I’m also on medication to deal with my borderline personality disorder. I came across some survivor videos on youtube and I thought they were so strong for sharing their story and showing how it truly gets better. I used to blame myself but I’m realizing I am strong and maybe I can make another woman feel that way about herself by sharing. 🙂

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