A survivor story by Barking Girl
No one talks about the immediate damage, the hurry to change your sheets and remove anything that even slightly reminds you of him from the premises. I was this day old when I was assaulted in my own bed, it happens, from people you have learned to trust.
I have dabbled with a few guys and girls in the past few years, I was never much of one to “hook up” since I do not want to lose my virginity. Two weeks ago, I found myself having interest in a guy in my community. He is well known and a hot commodity, so naturally, I felt lucky that he reciprocated the interest. We got drunk at a pregame, we spent time together afterwards, but he insisted on getting an OK from my ex-boyfriend, who is now his new best friend. So, we waited. We hung out and talked throughout the week, would send each other flirty messages, very PG.
The week passes and I am on my way to another pre-game, and I’ll know he’ll be there. I rarely have interest in someone, to say the truth, so I was excited. Of course, neither of us said hi to each other for about 45 minutes. Eventually we got to talking. I left the pre-game by myself and upset, I walked along the park at 1am, by myself, calmed myself down, and went home. Laying in bed, eating snacks, upset overall but slightly content; I receive a snapchat message from him. “Where did u go?”
“Home,” I replied
“Can we do this without anyone finding out? I want to be a good friend.”
“Sure, I don’t want the world knowing unless this turns into something serious.”
“Is anyone, home?”
“No, my suitemates are out.”
“Ok, what’s your apartment?”
“Ok” Comes in, I am in pajamas, no makeup, watching tv.
Him: “This night is fucked, so much drama with everyone, not you.”
Confidently I reply, “you make the drama, you love it, this could’ve all been so easy.” I’ve never been one to hold back a sassy reply.
He kisses me. He yanks my nipples, it hurts, I say “OW!”
“You like that don’t you?”
“No I don’t, that hurts, stop it” and he moves on to the next nipple.
I say “OW!” for the fifth time now.
“Nah you like it”
I should’ve stopped there, I should’ve read the warning signs.
We continue to make out, I say “OW! that hurts, don’t squeeze me so hard, you’re being too aggressive.”
Again, “you like that”
And again I say, “I actually really don’t”
Door slams. He freaks out.
“I thought you said no one was home, what the fuck?”
“No one was home, they just came home and they are in their room, they cannot hear and don’t know you are here”
“You lied to me, do you know what that means?” Attempting to guilt me into something, not sure what.
He says, “I told you I’m trying to be a good friend, why can’t you get that?”
“I do get that! No one knows you are here, relax, this is not a big deal”.
“You don’t get it, I’m trying to be a good friend, no one can find out”.
If I’m truly honest with myself, that should have been my 6th red flag but I ignored it, gave him the benefit of the doubt. I’m laying down on my bed, he’s looking at me, next to me, and is clearly angry. To be honest, I couldn’t think, I wanted him to leave but didn’t want to be dramatic, after all he did come here for me, so I guess I’ll accept that. Until his face turns dark, he is clearly angry.
He leans towards me and bites my jaw, hard, with rage.
I yelled “OW! What the fuck!”
He shushes me, “you roommates will hear us!”
“What the fuck, did you just bite me? That really fucking hurt what is your problem?”
He acts confused, “I just don’t get what’s going on right now, I’m so confused”
I scold him, “you just bit someone you’re in a bed with, not sexually, aggressively, that hurt, own up to it and apologize for the fact that you just physically hurt me.”
“I don’t get what I did!”
“Own up to what you did, you hurt someone, apologize!”
“Ok ok ok geez, I’m sorry, what the fuck is even going on tonight”
I stay silent, my left jaw is swollen, feels inflamed and bruised.
He gets angry, I am scared.
I run to the bathroom, my jaw is red, I have a swollen bite mark.
I text my closets most trustworthy friend. “I am fine but I did just get slightly assaulted while making out with someone. I am telling you this now because I won’t tell anyone if I don’t do this right now.”
I open my suitemates door, I sit on her bed and cry, this was all too real, it felt raw but also so hard to believe. Did an 180 lb man just hurt me? After it was clear that I wasn’t the aggressive type repeatedly? He didn’t care, as much as I told him to stop, he liked it. He would say he can’t hook up with me but then lift me up by cupping my vagina.
I am scared. I am scared of him.
I change my sheets, I strip everything that has any of his stench left on it. He calls me. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was just trying to be a good friend.” I say, “don’t worry, no one will find out, I know that’s all you want, trust me I don’t want anyone finding out.”
He says I’m sorry again. I say it’s fine. He hangs up.
I get into bed and cry, I fall asleep. I wake up with a bruise on my face. I want to die. I feel uncomfortable in my own body.
I know what I just went through is mild, I know that and I cannot even begin to imagine what rape can do to a person.
But I do feel like a victim of assault. I was assaulted even though I invited him to my house. He should know when to stop. He should have apologized because he hurt me not because he doesn’t want someone finding out. He is a monster. And that is offensive to monsters.
To the girls he has been with, I’m sorry for you and I hope you are ok.