Adopted by a Pedophile
A survivor story written by Chinhee & Sunhee Park, International Renowned Psychics, Mediums and Healers.
After 30 years of writer’s block, it’s finally been lifted. I know our mother’s spirit plays a big part in my Automatic writing. I almost feel as if I should give her the credit. Thanks mom!
I’m Chinhee Park and I’m finally ready to share our story. I am no longer ashamed, embarassed or scared to.
My heart knew I needed to write our story and get it out there. There are so many victims and survivors who could benefit from our story. Just knowing there’s hope and a happy life to look forward to.
Sunhee and I were adopted at the age 2 by an Italian father and an Irish mother. We were blessed and grateful and loved our parents. We really didn’t know we were adopted so they were considered our one and only parents.
It was a big deal in our small hometown, because our parents were one of the first to adopt babies from overseas. We were little celebrities all over in the local news and newspapers. This adoption in the 70’s was new and it started a trend. The media followed us growing up, always checking in with us to see how we were. They took lots of photos of us laughing and smiling, playing and eating. What they didn’t know is what was going on behind closed doors.
With tears already starting, I am opening those closed doors for the first time in my life at the age of 47.
Sunhee and I were adopted and raised by a Pedophile, our father.
What’s amazing is that NOONE would have ever thought he was a pedophile.
And, No One did.
He portrayed himself to be a good Catholic man, a mailman who knew everyone in town. He was also involved in the Special Olympics, Knights Of Columbus, Golf tournaments, and went out of his way to help people and kids. What’s scary is that all these people trusted him and loved him. I want to teach people, so they can open their eyes and protect their children from these kinds of pedophiles. The wolf in sheep’s clothing. You would never think the “good guy” is a criminal. He mastered his outside appearance to make sure he looked like the good guy. He always talked about the weather, and kept things surface. You could not get close to this wolf, because he kept you at a safe distance. If you tried to get close, he backed off or talked you out of trying to get close to him. You could never come over for a coffee or lunch, you would never be invited because it’s too close. You’re not allowed in his personal space because his personal space exposed who he really was and the dark side of his soul.
The sexual abuse started at 5 years old. and ended at 15. He got to me more because my sister had a big mouth. She still does to this day, but it’s her asset. I wish I had a big mouth and told him off. I was too scared. I wish he had only gotten to me, and not to my sister but he did. Even though it wasn’t every night, it was enough to scar her and affect her life forever.
I don’t remember a lot at 5. I have flashbacks of being in the bathtub with him and taking showers with him. He always seemed to be laying next to me, touching me, kissing me.. All I remember is he was my father, and I loved him very much. For him to be so affectionate with me was normal to me.
I remember more specifics when I was 8 years old. I remember I was petrified every night when he came home. I pretended to be sleeping, but that didn’t matter. Nor did me having to get up for school early in the morning. He didn’t care. He came into my room every night, when mom and sis were sleeping.. Being that young, I had no power or physical strength to kick him out of my bed. To this day, I can still smell his disgusting scent and cheap disgusting cologne. I also smelled alcohol, but I will never blame the alcohol. He was still a pedophile.
I didn’t even know what he was doing, I didn’t know what sex was or what he was doing to me, all I knew was he was my father coming into my bed every night late and told me he loved me. I thought that’s what fathers must do It was also normal for me to take showers with him, didn’t even think twice about it. But, I wasn’t suppose to tell anyone especially mom or he would get mad at me. I never wanted my father mad at me, he was the apple of my eye, I adored him and loved him more than god. He was always so nice to me, spoke to me gently and always gave me affection. That’s why I didn’t know what he was doing was wrong, it seemed so loving and gentle. He wasn’t hurting me, he was loving me. He even told me how beautiful of a daughter I was and how much he loved me all the time. He said he would do anything for me, he was my father and he would always be there for me. Disgusting. I grew up thinking that sex was love. That if I wasn’t having sex with someone, they didn’t love me. If they didn’t want to have sex the second I wanted it, then they didn’t love me. If they didn’t hug me or give me affection, then they didn’t love me. If they didn’t make me have sex late at night then they didn’t love me!
When I finally had the courage to tell my mother, I was 12. I had just gotten my period and she was showing me how to take care of it. She had no patience with me, she was trying to teach me and I just wasn’t comprehending. I was in left field as she always told me. I looked her straight in her eyes and took her hand. I said “Mommy, can you please do me a favor?” She looked scared and shocked that I talked because I never spoke. I was practically a mute. I said, “Can you please tell Dad to not come in my room tonight, so I can get more sleep. I can’t wake up for school, I’m so tired.” She looked at me in shock and said “What do you mean?!!!” She said it again but louder. I got scared because she looked mad. She started shaking me, “Tell me, what exactly do you mean tell him to not come in your room tonight? What does he do in your room?” I froze, and couldn’t talk. I tried, but No words would come out. She kept staring at me with a pissed off look on her face. Next thing I know, she jammed her fingers inside me, looked at me in disgust, got up and said, “You’re just a little whore.” I just sat there. I didn’t know what a whore was, I was 12. I didn’t know what sex was. What I did know, was that I could feel her so mad at me. I didn’t mean to make her mad. I couldn’t understand why she was mad. I shouldn’t have talked, I should have just stayed quiet. I didn’t mean to make her mad at me. I realized that day that me talking just got me in trouble. So I stopped talking to everyone. I sat on the toilet for an hour and stared into left field. This was the beginning of my mute days. I also developed a stuttering problem. If I had to talk in school or to anyone, I would stutter. If anyone raised their voice at me, I would not be able to talk. I couldn’t look people in the eyes and I walked with my head down. I was gone….this little girl was as good as dead.
This was when I found pot. I smoked some pot with a friend and it made me feel so good. I still didn’t talk a lot, but at least I was relaxed and laughing over the stupidest shit! I felt good and I just wanted to smoke pot every day. And, I did.
By the time I turned 14, Asshole stopped coming into my room and I was busy with school. I got involved with as much as I could to stay away from home. If I wasn’t at volleyball practice, I was at my best friends smoking cigarettes and smoking pot, my savior.
The age of 14 was the beginning of my self destructive days. I would do anything to not feel. Pot, alcohol, and even cocaine. Pills? Sure, I’ll take them, I’ll take anything as long as I don’t have to feel. Went from weekends, to weekdays, to mornings before school, to liquid lunches on our free periods. I started crushing up caffeine pills to snort to stay awake for my Volleyball games and practices. I needed the caffeine pills to start my mornings too since I could never sleep at night. The caffeine pills turned into cocaine.
Then, I became suicidal. I was already suicidal but I didn’t know it. This time, I knew, because I knew I wanted to die. I tried to run out into the highway, and get hit by a car. I thought that would be the quickest way. My best friend found me, she felt me that night and she was scared. I didn’t tell her, she felt me. She was the only one who felt me. She pulled me off that highway and slapped me in the face and told me, don’t you dare. You’re too fucking beautiful to kill yourself. You’re not suppose to die, you’re too young. I will never forget her. She gave me strength to keep going.
Age 15, my mother was diagnosed with Cancer. She died at the age of 46. I barely shed a tear, I couldn’t. I couldn’t feel love for her, going against me and not being there for me. I hated her and was glad she left me. I will always remember that day she called me a whore and left me. Why the fuck didn’t she protect me? It wasn’t enough I was getting abused, she had to turn against me and not support me. I had NOONE to turn to and I barely had myself.
I barely remember High School. I was always stoned, drunk, busy or sleeping. I barely remember my friends, conversations, or all the good things that any normal person remembers about high school. All I remember is how people made me feel. Those that made me feel loved, are still my friends today.
Even though, I hated my mom, I still loved her and missed her. At the age of 16, I was gone. I fell into deep depression and alcohol and drug abuse. I don’t even remember my Junior and Senior years.
18 yrs. old, I picked a college in Rochester and just went to get the hell away from my father. I was able to call him my father, but I still got sick whenever he hugged me or he kissed me. He always looked at me like he was in love with me and as if I was his wife. He treated me like I was his girlfriend. He moved me to Rochester, called me everyday, and got mad at me like a lover if I didn’t call him back right away. I couldn’t date anyone either, because he drove them out of my life like a jealous boyfriend. This was normal to me, I accepted it because I had no voice. I had no say, and I never wanted him mad at me. I jumped when he called, did whatever he wanted, and came back home to see him because he wanted me to. It was as if I was in a relationship with my father. How fucking disgusting.
I barely remember college. I did 2 years in Rochester and was majoring in Fashion Design. I had to get a job for a college credit and I was in no condition to work, but I did.
My boss was beautiful, I found myself running to work to see her. These feelings were new to me, as I was not aware it was ok to be attracted to women. We became close, and she took me out to a gay bar. Of course I got drunk and this older woman picked me up and took me home. Well, to her home anyway. I didn’t leave her home for 2 weeks. She was my first girlfriend and I was with her over a year. It was all about sex of course. That’s all I knew and that’s all I could give. I was not available for anything else but a sexual relationship. I was checked out and noone was home. Now, I had to deal with being gay.
My twin sister Sunhee and I were never friends growing up. I shut her out completely. She didn’t know what was going on with me, so we barely talked and got along. She was in Albany for college. She called me and told me to meet her in NYC after we graduated. I did and I was excited because it felt good to start a friendship with my twin.
At 18, Sunhee and I started our new life in NYC. We were a power team together. We were spotted on the streets of Manhattan by an NBA basketball player who was a talent agent and he got us small parts in “Law and Order”, MTV, petite modeling/shoe modeling/Japanese movies, tv and some print work.
At 21, We ended up taking over his business due to his alcoholism. We named it “Twin Talent”. We were flying high, booking actors and models for commercials, films, tv, etc. We started to make a name for ourselves. Problem was, we both got into Cocaine. Our big fast success went down the tubes eventually along with us.
I finally told my sister what Dad had done to me. She couldn’t believe it. She was shocked, but it helped her to understand why I was the way I was. It brought us closer, we went from strangers to best friends. She drove us home to see our father. We stayed with him and that night, Sunhee pulled him out of his bed and beat the shit out of him. She threw him in the chair and demanded him to apologize to me. I was frozen, her voice was like mom’s, she sounded just like mom when she was mad. I felt like I was 12 again. I felt bad for my father, I still loved him.
He apologized, but he said he didn’t do anything but love me. Sunhee gave him a black eye and swollen cheek. He looked pathetic sitting in that chair apologizing. He really believed he didn’t do anything. He really believed that what he did was love me, not abuse me. What a sick asshole. Sunhee screamed at him, and said you’re lucky you’re not in jail.
I finally felt like I had some support. I finally had the strength to tell my sister everything. I didn’t tell her before, because my own mother didn’t believe me, so what made me think that anyone else would?
We left our father and didn’t talk to him for 8 years.
Unfortunately, when you’re used to being sexually abused, you attract that predator energy. I always attracted predators, Rapists, and pedophiles. They were what I was used to, my comfort zone.
Oct. 22, 1991, I was raped by a Brazillian man. I ended up pregnant. I was only 21, I couldn’t possibly see myself raising a baby in the condition I was in and a rapist’s baby??? I was torn, I did not want to kill a baby. I was willing to have the baby until my sister said, HELL NO. You’re not going to have a rapist’s baby. Our friend took me to get the abortion. I will never forget this because I was so scared to do this. I had 4 nurses holding my hand and gently telling me, I was going to be ok to not worry. It was so loving of them. When I woke up, I saw 2 nurses looking scared. They looked like they saw a ghost! I asked if everything was ok and 1 nurse grabbed my hand and said; “You are a very special angel, we have never seen anything like it. When you were under, you were talking and crying. We thought you were awake during the procedure, but you weren’t. You kept saying Sorry little baby, I’m so sorry and tears were flowing down your face. We were all deeply touched by your emotions.” I didn’t remember a thing. But, that will stay with me for life.
At 21, I went to rehab for my cocaine problem. I was 88 pounds and near death. It helped, but not really. I came out of rehab and went full force back into drugs. My sister did too.
I will never forget her near death experience. She went to Florida with an abusive guy. He beat her up, raped her and left her for dead. When she came to, she called me and told me what happened and she needed money for a plane ticket back home. We had no money. There was $0 in our account. I ran downstairs to the ATM and tried anyway. I got $300 out of our account. Don’t ask me how, it had to be our mom’s spirit. I wired the money to her and she went to the airport. The airline woman was shocked to see her face all swollen and bruised. My sister, desperate and crying to get home, told her she only had $300. The airline woman told her to hold on as she spoke to her manager. The manager came to her and told her “Im going to give you a ticket for $100 so you can have extra money for when you get home.” My sister broke down in tears and thanked them profusely. When Sunhee got home, she discovered her hands had healing energies in them. She healed her entire face and rib bones in a few days. This was the start of her physical healing.
At 26, My sister came home and made me touch an invite she received at a night club. She asked me, “Who gave this to me?” I said, “How the hell would I know?” She said, “Touch it, tell me what you see.” I looked at her as if she was crazy, but I touched it anyway. I then saw a short girl with blonde hair. She was cute, she thought my sister was cute, and I saw her hand my sister the invite.” I told my sister what I saw, and her small eyes widened and she said “HOLY SHIT, you’re psychic!” I said, “WHAT?” She said, “Dude, you’re psychic, you have gifts like me.” Wow, that was shocking to me. From that day on, we began to exercise our abilities full force. We discovered Sunhee’s gifts were physically healing and mine were emotionally healing. We were doing free sessions for everyone! People were knocking our door down to get readings and healing from us. They gave us gifts and treated us like gold, It was amazing and overwhelming.
I was still healing from my abuse so I was not strong enough to do the healing work like my sister. I would get drained and affected easily. I was still abusing cocaine, and I OD’ed. My heart stopped for 10 minutes and I was resuscitated. I wondered why it wasn’t my time to leave? Why am I supposed to be living still? Please god let me die, I can’t seem to stop doing drugs and I have nothing to live for. I’m so insecure, and lost that I have no will to live. Why didn’t I die in that OD? And then, I heard a voice say, ” It’s NOT your time, you’re not suppose to die yet. You’re suppose to be doing something big with your life and you’re suppose to help alot of people.” I told the voice, “Shut up, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t want to live. I have nothing to live for. I’m a bad person, no one wants me, no one cares and no one will love me!” I felt this touch on my head as if someone was putting their fingers through my hair. I thought I was going crazy. That incident pretty much made me sober. I wanted to know who the hells voice that was. Was I hearing shit? Was I too effed up on Cocaine that I started hearing voices?? No, it was just my mediumship, that I had no idea of or any clue that I could even hear and see a spirit. NO CLUE! It scared the shit out of me!
I heard the voice start to yell at me, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself! You’re not a victim anymore, you’ve made it! If you want to put him in jail, you still have time to do it!” I was shocked, Wow, this voice was telling me so much information! I called the Broome county New York office to see if I could press charges on my father. Found out, that I was still able to, it didn’t matter that I was in my late 20’s. The man on the phone was so compassionate. He asked me, “Do you want to press charges? I will be more than happy to work with you on this. You were just a child and you didn’t deserve for that to happen to you. You deserve to get the justice.” I never heard words like this before. I didn’t even know how to respond. I hung up the phone, and dropped to the floor. I believe I was having a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t stop crying. I hadn’t cried in years. It was pouring out like Niagra Falls. I felt so much care and compassion from this gentleman on the phone, who was a complete stranger. But, what really broke me, was the voice. The last thing I heard the voice say was “I will help you get through this. “I’m sorry I could not be there for you when you needed me. Please forgive me, I am here for you now and always.” I was stunned, and responded: “I forgive you mom, and thank you.”
Oct. 22, 2000, I was turning 30. I stopped doing all drugs and alcohol. No rehab, no therapy, just quit. I’m 18 years sober today. My twin sister and I started doing psychic healing work. We are going on 20 years. We had our own radio show on CBS, with celebrity guests, and have been blessed to grace the covers of 3 International magazines and featured in over 40 books and magazines worldwide. We have been offered our own television show for the past 6 years and it hasn’t panned out yet because It wasn’t our time, we needed to heal more. Our time is coming!
At the age of 47, I’m still healing. It never ends, you are never fully healed. I took my time to forgive my father, he passed away a few years ago. When he passed, I felt like my soul was set free. But what healed my soul was forgiving him. I told him I forgave him before he passed. He apologized to me and 2 days later he passed. That was my closure. I still hear his spirit today. I hear him crying and saying “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
To all survivors of any abuse; Don’t expect to be healed in a day, week, month or year. You will never forget this trauma or this part of your life. But, you will be able to deal with it better and better. The best thing you can do is forgive. Forgive the criminal when you’re ready, and forgive yourself. You didn’t do anything to deserve it. You were a victim, and now you’re a survivor. Deal with triggers when they happen, expressing your flashbacks, and surrounding yourself with loving, positive people. If you have to disconnect from the world to heal, do it. But, always re-connect and focus on the progress you’ve made. If you fall down and take a few steps backwards its ok! Pick up and keep trucking. It’s imperative that you take care of yourself, Pamper and spoil yourself, LOVE yourself. LOVE heals, you deserve to be loved, you are worthy of love and you have a ton of love to give. Talk to yourself like that everyday, but really believe it. Know that you are special and have guides that will help you in your darkest hours. Even if you don’t exactly know who your guides are just believe. Believing in something, god, buddha, aliens, any higher power will keep you from the dark world. It will help you believe in yourself give you strength and heal your wounds.
The difference between Sunhee and i was Sunhee blocked her trauma out. She wasn’t able to deal with her abuse until later. That was her process. Sunhee still deals with her flashbacks today but she’s stronger and able to. We both have PTSD, and anxiety disorder. I have OCD, ADD, bipolar and agoraphobia. I do not struggle anymore with these disorders. I have been healing myself for the past 17 years, so don’t get discouraged, it can be done.
Today, Sunhee and I are on top of the world. We just signed another contract this month with a production company. We are working on a tv show and a documentary film on our lives. We know we are destined for big things. The big things are not money and fame.. It’s helping people heal on a bigger scale. This is our purpose in life and we LOVE what we do. We are so blessed and grateful to be where we are today. If our story helps 1 person, then it was all worth it.
Peace and love to all;
Chinhee & Sunhee Park